Trendy

VATICAN CONCEDES: ANCIENT SCRIPTURES INDICATE OHIO-BASED BAND CREATED BY GOD Despite the violent objection from Catholic status-quo, the high powers at the Vatican (including Pope Benedict himself) have begrudgingly acknowledged that Cleveland’s own punk-rock pariahs TRENDY were part of God’s divine plan at the time of Creation.  Just prior to Christmas of 2005, the church uncovered scriptures that predate the previously-accepted text of the original Testament, which were immediately presented to the Church’s most immanent scholars. After weeks of careful study and detailed research, the following statement has been issued by the Church’s highest-ranking Cardinals: “While we vehemently oppose the image that the trio portrays and the message of their music, the Vatican reluctantly acknowledges that the band TRENDY is a direct product of the labors of Our Lord. It is our distinct hope that The Creator had great intentions for our culture’s three most unrepentant sinners; nevertheless, we must honor His efforts and make The Word of God known to all of His people.” Drastic changes have been proposed to Genesis of the Old Testament, starting from the very first page. The following is an example of the Vatican’s pre-authorized alterations: “1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.    1:2 And the earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep; and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters.  1:3 Then God said, "Let there be light"; and there was light. 1:4 And God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness by making a bunny-rabbit with a closed fist and two extended fingers – the index and the middle; and God called this Shadow-Puppetry.  1:5 And God saw that the shadow puppet was good; and God proceeded to make a shadow puppet of a dog with an extended thumb and a waggling pinky-finger, and an alligator with His two closed hands opening from the finger-tips, and a butterfly by crossing His thumbs and waving His extended fingers as if they were wings. 1:6-1:43 Then God spent far too much time with his new hobby; and for a long time, nothing happened. 1:44-1:49 Then God looked around, and noticed that both Buddha and Allah had copied Him; and they had invented shadow puppets of their own, and of much greater complexity; and God was pissed, and He sulked for a long time; and once again, not much happened; and thus began God’s wrath against all of creation. 1:50 Then God said “Let there be a band that pisses off all Gods everywhere, because I’m tired of these other omnipotent fuckers totally biting my style” and Trendy was made in this likeness; and Aaron’s hair was fluffy and his temperament explosive, and $Jay$ drank coffee and cussed frequently and smoked cigarettes, and Davey wrote his name with his own urine on God’s immaculate white robes; and they played the meanest music God had ever heard; and they got wasted; and they prank-called the other Gods; and they made the Infinitely-Wise Buddha and the Almighty Allah cry. 1:51 And God saw that the band was good, in spite of His immense hangover and the pee stains.” TRENDY – rocking all of creation since 1 Billion B.C.

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